Is starting a new relationship with a friend's ex ever a good idea?

Falling in love with someone you’re not supposed to happens more commonly than you think. Here’s the thing this week: a young woman shares how she’s ‘caught feelings’ for a man her friend used to be involved with.

“So, a few weeks ago, I was invited to an event, and my partner for said event pulled out at the last minute. My best friend suggested I take the guy she’s been seeing on and off as my plus one instead, and he agreed.

“While at the event, I realised we had great chemistry. One thing led to another, and we started talking. It turns out we have a lot more in common than either of us expected.

“Bravely, I decided to tell him how I feel, and surprisingly, he feels the same. However, because of his situation with my best friend, we both know we can’t act on it. My best friend is currently in a relationship and hasn’t really defined how she feels about her situationship, but I still don’t know how to approach this.

“What should I do?”

— In love with a man who isn’t mine

Locals weigh in

Ashley, 24, says:

“Go for it. Sadly, friendships often fade as they run their natural course. In ten years, you may not even remember the friend, but you’ll remember - and regret -the ‘one that got away’. It would be different if they were still dating and you were trying to take him away, but they’re not. And if she has a problem with it, then that’s on her.”

Nandi, 32, offers a different view:

“There are 7 billion people on earth. Date someone else instead of your friend’s situationship. Meet men another way.”

Thabo, 29, says:

“Consider whether you actually love him or are just infatuated. There’s a big difference. Usually, you don’t really know you love someone until you’ve been in a committed relationship for a while - otherwise, you’re often just projecting onto small interactions or interpreting things the way you want to because you have a crush.

Also, ask yourself: Do you love your friend? Are you okay with potentially losing that friendship forever? I doubt she would be understanding. It really comes down to willpower and priorities, but I’d suggest setting boundaries if you don’t want to lose your friend.”

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