I’d be far less paranoid if everyone wasn’t out to get me, so when BBC Science Focus dangled “The subtle signs somebody secretly dislikes you”, I’ve never clicked so fast. Knowledge is power, after all, and the promised signals came courtesy of psychologists via a magazine with the word science in its title.

The first indication? They avoid eye contact. Apparently “someone who repeatedly looks away, scans the room or avoids mutual gaze might be creating psychological distance”. Agreed. But they may also be checking to see who else arrives, which might not mean they secretly hate you, only that they secretly don’t like you as much as whoever just came in.

The second sign is unarguably more convincing. “Their facial expressions show contempt or disgust.” Admittedly, I’m no psychologist, but still, if someone looked contemptuous or disgusted while interacting with me, I’d be pretty confident in concluding that they aren’t my greatest fan all on my own. File this one under bear/woods, pope/Catholic.

Third up, they “smile less around you”. This feels dangerous, because the only way to know whether they are smiling less around you than other humans they come into contact with is to put them under surveillance and keep a tally. If they didn’t dislike you before you hid in a bush counting their grins, they probably would afterwards.

The final pieces of evidence are that their body points away from you, and they create physical distance. Again, not a psychologist, but if a person turned their back on or ran away from me, I think I might manage to pick up on the nuance.

Hold on though, now there’s a disclaimer: “Reduced eye contact, physical distance and less smiling can all have many explanations, including tiredness, shyness, neurodiversity, anxiety, distraction or cultural norms.” Fantastic. So what have we learned? Unless somebody is blatant, it’s extremely tricky to tell if they secretly dislike you. And even then, there could be other reasons for their behaviour, so you can never truly be sure. The take away: trust no one, not even science.