From living the high life with one of British TV’s biggest names, matchmaking for Adele and battling drink, drugs and undiagnosed ADHD, Paul Drayton has certainly lived life to the full.

The actor and party planner, who was married to Alan Carr from 2018 to 2022, insists his memoir Ride or Die Trying is not a hatchet job or a showbiz tell-all, just a brutally honest account of life in the fast lane and the toll it can take.

Paul, 54, and Alan met in 2008 and got engaged in 2016. Adele hosted and officiated at their Los Angeles wedding, having become firm friends with the couple. She lived near them in London’s Notting Hill and, Paul says, became part of the furniture at their home.

He adds: “Most evenings we’d just get a Thai takeaway. Adele would turn up with a cheap bottle of wine which we sank in a second and moved to our supplies.”

Paul helped introduce Adele to her first husband Simon Konecki, who is the father of her son Angelo, 13. “She was always very honest and open with me and Alan because she knew she could trust us,” adds Paul.

He devotes an entire chapter to Adele, saying he’s “flooded” with memories such as “the time I took her to TK Maxx for the first time, she couldn’t believe it as we combed through the rails hunting for bargains”.

Paul also recalls how she played them her pre-released hit album 30 for the first time. “By the end, I was in bits,” he says, telling Adele: “It’s like you’ve taken your whole life and put it in a box and tied it with a ribbon.”

He adds: “That was the gift she was giving to the world. I suppose in my own way that’s what I’m doing now. Boxing up my life. Tying it with a slightly frayed ribbon. And finally, handing it over.”

Sunderland-born Paul had moved to London to pursue an acting career, but had to make ends meet in bar work, which perpetuated his drinking and use of cocaine.

He says: “Alcohol and drugs became my crutch. They slowed my brain down, quietened the constant noise in my head, and evened me out so I felt like I was on the same level as everyone else.”

When he met Alan at a swanky club, Paul had been drinking and using, but at the same time felt an instant bond. He recalls: “Sexy? Sure. Marriage material? Possibly. Did I know at that moment, I’d marry him one day? Of course not. But something clicked. He was unlike anyone I’d ever met.”

They ended up in a nightclub and Paul remembered in the morning: “Oh my God, I’d been snogging Alan Carr.” Their relationship moved on at pace, with them sharing the same passion for drunken nights out with friends or cosy nights in “filled with jokes”.

“There were moments when I genuinely thought we could’ve been the next Morecambe and Wise,” quips Paul before musing that “life with Alan was about to take over, and “my dream of acting – well, it would have to wait”.

As much as Paul loved the high life, alcohol was becoming his coping mechanism, one time ending up in a police cell for letting down the tyres of a delivery van.

He was diagnosed with ADHD late in life and says: “People with an ADHD brain are far more sensitive than the usual neurotypical brain. The arrest, my alcoholism, my chaotic personality. It became fair game for Alan’s jokes. ‘Drama Drayton,’ he’d call me. ‘Always good for a laugh.’ But was I? Looking back, I think he well and truly put that to the test.”

He adds: “As time went on, I wanted for nothing. Alan made sure of that.” But he was often left feeling insecure and inadequate that he wasn’t contributing.

Paul says: “From the outside, it looked like I had it all. Alan in the spotlight, me in the wings. The ‘plus one’. The ‘kept man’... in designer sun-glasses holding the dogs and carrying the bags. But I wasn’t just standing there. I was driving the car, clearing the path, fixing the messes. Planning our exits like we were royalty.

“I’d like to think I was his ride or die – as he was and mine, or at least, I bloody tried. I’ve been the clown, the cleaner, the carer and the chaos. I’ve fallen apart, pulled myself back together, and ended up in a police cell drinking toilet water out of a kid’s party cup.”

Paul was also running a property development company along with everything else in their lives, but it didn’t come close to Alan’s earnings. Yet it gave Paul a feeling of self-worth and he was, on occasions, able to lavish gifts on his partner from his own hard-earned money.

They bought a house in Notting Hill, and then a country retreat in West Sussex, with an outdoor pool where they’d lounge around on inflatables “drinking Whispering Angel” with a never-ending stream of guests.

But it couldn’t last. After a drink-driving incident in October 2021, Paul was jailed in January 2022. While he successfully appealed and got the sentence suspended, he and Alan confirmed their split that month.

Still, he is left with beautiful memories, even if he isn’t in touch with Adele as often as he’d like. He adds: “I still feel an enormous love for her.”